I need a Sven

I have great husband (hereinafter referred to as KISH - Knight in Shining Armor). I'm blessed to have my Mom here since my Dad passed away. She's a big help. But I need a Sven.

I don't want the phone. That would require some initiative on my part. Just think. A Sven following you around all the time, reminding you. Get the oil changed. Almost out of tp. Do you think you should eat those chips?

Better yet, Sven following around my kids (hereafter referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2). Put your homework in your backpack. Pick up your socks. Don't clip your toenails in the den. Clean off the bathroom counter. It's 15 minutes to curfew, better scoot along home. Get up. Go to bed. You get the picture.

Oh. Um, I do all that. Yeah, but Sven is cool. He has a sweet accent and hands out warm sweaters when it's cold. And he's so dang cheerful! Imagine all that cheerfulness following you around. And that accent - who doesn't love a Swedish accent? How could we possibly argue with that?

Where can I get a Sven?